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The marriage friendly pre-nup The marriage friendly pre-nup

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Jan 25

The marriage friendly pre-nup

Written by Carmelita Ardren
Head of Family, Children and Divorce

DDI: 01423 724 639
M: 07854 312652
E: carmelita.ardren@raworths.co.uk

Broaching the topic of a pre-nuptial agreement can be a tricky task. At a time when you are committing to each other for a lifetime, raising the question, “But if not …” can be received much like a lead balloon. I am often asked how this could be raised in a sensitive way with a prospective spouse that does not elicit a negative response.

There is no doubt that this is a serious and sensitive conversation. But think about it – if you have not already shared your own values and aspirations, like whether you would like to have children, your respective attitudes to money and your goals and ambitions, should you have popped the question or answered yes in the first place?  Would it be better to have that open and honest conversation early to make sure your values are aligned and reach those decisions together?

So how best to approach and make it work together?

Choose the right time

  • The earlier the better. If the wealth is inherited or gifted the conversation is perhaps easier to have at very early stages. Being a custodian of wealth brings with it the responsibility to protect it for future generations.
  • When you both know that this is something more serious, even if the wealth is pre-relationship, raising the conversation about attitudes to pre and post-nuptial agreements will inform you whether you are on the same page or at least introduce the idea that it is on your mind.
  • Have the conversation somewhere relaxed but private and give time to talk about things thoroughly.

Be prepared

  • Have a good understanding of what assets you each have and have an idea about what you want to achieve, but really listen too. How you communicate is key to finding common ground.
  • Frame the positives. Being able to have a conversation now is laying firm foundations for your future life together. No assumptions, just clarity and honesty.
  • What you would each think is fair and reasonable having regard to the circumstances. Note that fairness and reasonableness are elastic concepts and mean different things to different people. A pre-nup is not about leaving anyone high and dry but providing some element of certainty whether it is in respect of a specific asset, a family loan or more generally how things might be shared.
  • Think about what happens if your circumstances change, having children, ceasing to work, and future inheritances. Life happens and it might be appropriate to make an agreement now but plan a review to reflect those inevitable changes to make sure it meets each of your needs and remains fair.

Consider collaborative legal advice

  • How you do this next step is key. Having a long complex agreement already fully drafted presented to you can be both intimidating, disrespectful and give the impression that it is “take it or leave it”.
  • Aim to make informed decisions together. Think collaborative law where all discussions and advice is given completely openly and around the table. This enables you to both hear the legal advice, consider the options and take decisions together. Your Solicitors will explain and provide all legal advice openly.  Only after hearing from you both about what you want to achieve is pen put to paper.

No surprises, no difficult conversations, no misunderstandings, no pressure.  Now isn’t that a better way of starting your married life together?

Contact the Family Law team at Raworths

If you would like to discuss any of the points raised in this article, please contact Carmelita Ardren at email carmelita.ardren@raworths.co.uk or call 01423 566 666

Carmelita Ardren is the Head of Family Law at Raworths based on Harrogate, North Yorkshire.  Carmelita is an Accredited Resolution Family Specialist as well as a member of the Advanced Family Law Society Panel.  Carmelita’s family law expertise is independently recognised by Legal 500 UK 2025 (Leading Partner) and Chambers UK 2025 (ranked Band 1).

Published on 3 January 2025

The information and any commentary contained in this briefing is for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal or any other type of professional advice.

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